- July 25th, 2010
While I don't like airing dirty laundry I've got to the point where I need to get a few things out of my system regarding an argument I had with my parents on Thursday. It was seriously strange and also odd that we also seem to have an argument around this time of year, particuarly my Mums birthday. I'd like to put it down to her disliking the thought of being another year older but It's nowhere near that simple.
It's really weird and as usuall a tangled mess of previous discussions, simple talks and their opinions dating back as far as two months ago.
Weirdly when I arrived she was at my aunts around the corner and I got invited over. I don't particualy like going over to her place because it's usually pointless as anyone else, myself in particular, gets very much sidelined if they are both together. Coupled with the fact that she's think and is really giving my cousin a crap start in life by being in my humble opinion, a shit parent. I'm not keen to say the least, but I went over and it was fine. Eventually got back home and she cooked me two omlettes and then, and only then did the akward silence in the living room and my decision to leave. Then she went batshit crazy and locked the door insisiting we had a "discusion". Is it just me or is that a little bit weird?
A week and a bit before I went to AC we went for a meal and a drink and had a really good time. It'd odd because when we get along we really do have fun, only each time this happens I'm less inclined to do it because weeks maybe months later she will have picked over everything I said, using it at the first time of trouble to back up any complaints she may have had about me.Once again I forget about it and trust her enough to share something even trivial about myself and then once again I'm left wishing I hadn't when she twists and turns it into her head into something she can use as amunition, even more effective because I can't deny that I said it, be it in a less messed up way. This time it was a throw away disscussion about maybe finding another place or moving away. Without a job it's been a little difficult on both fronts, although she dosn't know this. In what little of the bollocking I stuck around for she was going on about me not doing anything. Thursday was no different with her insisting I was looking for something better and using anything and everything I'd discussed or talked about with her on this fun outing into something nasty to make me look bad.
Another issue that was brought up was me "not letting them be a part of my life". I'm seriously stumped over this one. I go out to dinner and such with them, I come over and watch TV or play games and bar a few tweaked details to edit out the more furry or stranger parts of my life I pretty much talk about everything that goes on in my life much more then I ever did as a teenager. We even went to the theatre before I went away. Apart from this the only other parts of my life would be any job I currently have, going out with freinds and being at home. I'm not sure what other part of my life she want's to be a part of. True I've not invited her around to the apartment but as you will see in this post there is a multitude of reasons for that. Simply put it's a combination of it being eisier to go around to theirs rather then getting them all around here and the fact that this is my space where I can be myself and it puts me on edge if they are here! I'm very confused when she says I don't let her be a a part of my life.
When I arrived back I tried calling them a few times and every time I left a message, it wouldn't be returned or we would share a few curt words and that would be that. I was already getting seriously bad vibes and left it as long as possible before goign on Thurday because I couldn't fathom what the hell was going on. Anyway she completely denied any of these calls flat out and insisted I had not contacted anyone. Then, she tells me she didn't call back because of not contacting me and not wanting to confront me about not contacting them. Yeah, that is as weird as that. I can't work this out at all.
For some reason she brought up something about us not being close because of "the whole gay thing". I had to openly laugh at this one, at the meal we had a week or so before leaving for the USA she flat out told me that the issues she had with Iffriel or myself were nothing to do with the fact that I was gay. I'm serious she said it as simply and un-ambigusouly as that. Where this came from or what it had to do with anything still confuses me.
I'll give them a few points for free in this argument. Firstly my dad asked me if the thing we have up in the kitchen is funny to us or some sort of trophy. The thing in the kitchen is a framed letter from our landlord asking us politely to not be so loud with the sex noises in the early hours of the morning, and yes I do think it's funny. It's just my sense of humour although I should have known they wouldn't find it so funny. Again I will remind you I explicitly asked them not to come to the apartment while I was away. Thanks god I securely covered over the more explicit furry art in the bedroom or they would have shit blood. Secondly, there were a few plates in the sink when we left but nothing seriously dirty and not the mountain they are making out. Thirdly, apparently the fridge was smelly and a little moldy. I had turned it off with nothing inside and did not know that simply water would cause anything like that, oh and the jar of odd food ends in the hallway was meant to be thrown out when we left and was forgotten about.
However the rest of the apartment was imaculate, baring anything that had happened in the week we had been away. For some reason my parents think I live in complete shit hole and can't take care of myself in cases of hygeine. One particular incident that gets trotted out as either a funny story or evidence in a bollocking is when I moved out for the first time and left a bowl of rice in the fridge and forgot about it, letting it dry out. It was one occasion but it's always made out to be far worse then it was and if you believe them there was always something dry or rotting in that fridge. This is bollocks, although the paintwork and a few areas of the apartment could do with sprucing up the place is ver very clean. On this occasion I know for a fact it was because I had cleaned and tidied the place before we left, cleaned out the rats, cleaned the blinds which needed doing, threw some furniture out, even scrubbed the bloody skirting boards. I'm not kidding it was a week and a half of pulling everything out, cleaning and scrubbing and shake-and-fucking-vacing but still I get told that apparently they think "my hygene has slipped over the last three years" and it was heavily implied I live in a hovel. Fuck that! Before we left it was the cleanest it has ever been.
The only thing that would have been a little ripe were the rats, which had been left for a week and a half in hot weather. Usually they would have been cleaned out before this but I was in the USA. They were however, cleaned on the Thursday we got back. My mum runs a cleaning company so it might have something to do with her massively unrealistic version of clean rather then my place in particular. In some weird twisted turn the fact that I had long uncut hair for a while this year when I was trying to grow it. Apparently I'm trying to recapture some long lost youth or have a late rearing of teen rebellion according to them but apparently it pissed them off that I had long hair and was "constantly" unshaven. Again, bullshit and a total non issue seen as I have now cut it as I myself, didn't like the end product of growing it. Apparently the toilet was "full of shit" and had to be unblocked, but I did not leave it like that so it's a mystery to me. Why would I leave a toilet overflowing with shit when jetting of for ten days?
Oh god, I've just remembered the best bit. For some reasons with the bit above, and me not letting them into my life, I hate my sister. That is a big leap. I seriously told them that was not the reason I hate my sister and that it's because she's a hard faced, mean bitch. I really try in this respect but she asks constantly aloof all the time as if I'm a total shit and I have no idea why. It's not just normal brother and sister rivalry, she will not talk back to me when I ask her direct questions, gives one word answers and always acts as if I'm trying to catch her out. It's really difficult and that coupled with other incidents makes me really hate her, it's simply not worth the effort! The constant shrugging, disinterest and wrinkled noses really gets my goat, so fuck that! Apparently she was the only person who stuck up for me when I "came out" and for that reason I should like her, that was four years ago and she's been a shit for years. My parents really don't see this, I'm not kidding they looked really genuinely shocked when I listed the reasons and incidents as if I was making it all up!
Anyway, the end result was me getting pissed off very quickly and not wanting to be drawn into a long disucssion/bollocking on the state of my life or it's direction or the underlying shame and dissapointment they seem to have in me. Another thing I'm worried about is that they are going on holiday tommorow and one of two things will happen. Firstly that my mum will say she is too stressed out by the whole situation and refuse to go on holiday in which case the whole cancellation will be blamed on me and I won't ever, ever hear the last of it. Secondly and more probable, that they both go on the holiday but she has a shit time, again she will blame this on being too stressed out about the whole "situation" regarding me and I'll never hear the bloody end of it.
Try and untangle that.